How to Be the Perfect Mum (Yes, I’m Serious)

I’m unusually fired up about this one.

Because we are parenting in a world that puts relentless pressure on mums to be perfect, coming at us from every direction — social media, family expectations, generational beliefs, strangers at the park all while living in a time where it’s actually impossible to do everything “right”.

So today, I want to dedicate this entire post to helping you feel like the perfect mum you’ve always wanted to be.

If you know my content, you might be thinking I’ve fallen over and hit my head pretty hard.

But hear me out. I promise, by the end of this, you will feel more capable, more grounded, and more confident in your motherhood than you did five minutes ago.

First, Let’s Talk About “Perfect”

Before we go any further, we need to talk about what perfect actually means because I don’t think we’re all working from the same definition.

When you think of a “perfect mum”, you might think of your own mum. You might try to replicate what she did… or do the complete opposite. Most of us can think of at least one or two things we want to do differently, often because of changing generational beliefs around parenting (a simple example: apologising to your child when you’re wrong).

We also build our idea of the perfect mum based on what we see around us, especially online.

And in the most vulnerable, exhausted, desperate seasons of motherhood, we compare ourselves to highlight reels. We forget that what other mums share is based on their idea of perfection, not some universal gold standard.

We also have absolutely no idea what their circumstances are.

They might have a full village.
They might have more money.
They might have outsourced half their life.
They might have intentionally lowered standards in areas you’re still killing yourself over.

We don’t know.

Motherhood is deeply tied to identity. It makes us question everything about ourselves. And when we reflect on ourselves as mums, any perceived “shortcoming” feels incredibly personal like a direct reflection of our worth.

Side note: I genuinely think this is pretty unique to mums. I could be wrong, but I rarely see dads questioning their entire existence and spiralling into guilt over every decision they make.

Now here’s something interesting.

If you look up the definition of the word perfect, many definitions include the phrase “as good as possible.”

That matters.

Because “as good as possible” implies context. Circumstances. Capacity.

If you buy a second-hand fridge with a dent in the side, a weird noise, and a cracked egg compartment, you can still say it works perfectly. Because it does what a fridge is meant to do. The food stays cold. The freezer freezes. It works as good as a fridge possibly can.

If today you only have 80% to give, and you give that full 80%, then you’ve given everything you had.

That’s perfect.

With that in mind, here are four things you can do to be the perfect mum.

1. Have a Picture-Perfect Home

(Just Not the One You’re Imagining)

Your home is where your family grows, eats, sleeps, argues, makes up, laughs, cries, breaks things (mostly accidentally), watches movies, and lives.

The idea of “picture perfect” that needs to change is the one in your head.

You don’t live in a display home. No one does. Display homes don’t hold memories. Real homes do.

When I think back to my childhood, I have absolutely no recollection of what the house looked like. But I vividly remember the swing set in our backyard, which I’m sure my mum thought was an absolute eyesore. Funny how you don’t see those trending on Instagram anymore.

No one actually cares what your house looks like except you.

And unless no humans live there, it’s going to look lived in.

Now… my ADHD brain cannot thrive in total chaos. Mess genuinely chips away at my wellbeing. For me to be calm and present, I need space, visual interest, and room to be creative.

But that doesn’t mean a spotless house with nothing in it.

It means having places to put the stuff.

For a long time, I’d get frustrated when my kids took toys out, which is ridiculous, because that’s literally the point of toys.

The other day, my kids and I made a fairy garden on the balcony. The entire time, I was thinking about how painful cleanup was going to be. I rushed them. I was short.

Then my five-year-old grabbed my phone and took a photo of my son and me gardening.

My first thought?
Why am I in pyjamas? Why is my hair in a mum bun? This is not a good photo of me.

But then I realised… this is their memory.

I can’t even remember how messy the balcony was. But that photo is picture perfect, because we were living in it.

Yes, this is cheesy as fuck.

But you can have a picture-perfect home. You just need to redefine what that picture is.

If your home brings you peace and allows your family to live and be happy… it’s perfect.

2. Be a Selfless Mother

(Not a Martyr)

Is being a mother about devoting your entire existence to your children?

Or is that martyrdom?

Because your family needs you healthy. And you cannot be healthy if you are not prioritising your physical and mental wellbeing.

I’ve been there. I’ve been so obsessed with giving my kids the “perfect day” that I’ve rushed out the door feeling awful, skipped meals, neglected myself, and then wondered why I was cranky and disconnected.

Shockingly, that’s not how good memories are made.

On the days I take care of myself, walk, gym, shower, eat properly, feel like myself…I am infinitely more patient, present and kind as a mum.

How do I justify going for a walk when the kitchen is messy?

Because my mental health is more important than a tidy bench.

I have ADHD, and if I don’t actively manage it, it impacts everyone. When my self-care drops, so does our routine. So does my patience. Chaos feeds chaos.

The biggest gift I can give my kids is caring for myself.

And honestly…is this what we want to role model? A life where you give nothing to yourself?

Absolutely fucking not.

A selfless mother takes care of herself so she can care for others.

Life jacket on first.

3. Never Ask for Help

(Said No Perfect Mum Ever)

Perfection has nothing to do with doing everything alone.

Humans are interdependent.

Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that carrying all the bags, doing everything solo, and smiling through exhaustion made us “strong” and therefore good mums.

That’s bullshit.

Doing everything alone leads to burnout. Burnout forces recovery. Recovery takes you away from your kids anyway.

Struggle shaming (a term I fully invented, you’re welcome) convinces us that the more we suffer, the better mums we are.

I catch myself doing this all the time.

If I consider an extra day of childcare, even though my son loves it, my brain goes straight to “Other mums do it without help.”
Which somehow translates to “I’m failing.”

So instead, I do everything with my kids around, take three times longer, and convince myself I’m doing the right thing, even though it’s worse for everyone.

Villages are natural to humanity.

And if your version of a village looks like grocery delivery, Uber Eats, childcare, help from family, or swapping favours, you’re doing it right.

Bonus points if you become part of someone else’s village too.

4. Always Stay Calm and Patient

(Because You’re a Robot, Right?)

Kids need to see real feelings.

If they don’t experience emotions being expressed, regulated, and resolved, they learn to suppress everything.

That has lifelong consequences.

I’m still a good mum when I get upset that dinner ended up on the freshly cleaned carpet, even if it was an accident. Because my kids also see me calm down, problem-solve, and move forward.

That’s the lesson.

Feelings aren’t bad. Suppressing them is.

A perfect mum is human. She feels. She repairs. She moves on.

Final Thoughts

Being the perfect mum isn’t about doing more.

It’s about redefining what perfection actually is.

Take care of yourself. Ask for help. Let your home be lived in. Feel your feelings.

You’re already doing better than you think.

And you’re already a damn good mum. 💛